Chef Number 49!

Last Sunday, while I was watching ORIGINAL DVD’s, my stomach caught my attention. I realized that I was hungry and me and my girlfriend had nothing prepared for dinner yet. Then I remembered that my sworn enemy Dex gave me a hotline cooking number. 0917.04 was the number and he informed me that this is the best cooking/knife bending call center in the market!

So I gathered everything that was edible inside our cupboard and quickly dialed the number to report on what I have and what I could make out of it.

Someone: Good evening! Thank you for calling “The Ultimate Cook of South East Asia Organization for the Unrealistic Ventures”. This is Chef Number 49. How may I help you?

Me: Hi chef number 49! I’m Mr. Anthony Chua of the Tokugawa Empire and I wish to have a sumptuous meal this evening. Could you provide me with a recipe based on what I have right now.

Chef Number 49: Oh truly ever sir! Here in “The Ultimate Cook of South East Asia Organization for the Unrealistic Ventures” we have the best recipes even for metal based materials!

Me: oh that’s fantastic!

Chef Number 49: first sir, may I have the ingredients that you have with you?

Me: all I have is
1 (3 to 5 pound) oslo paper
5 tablespoons Japanese oil
5 cloves garlic, crushed into smithereens
1 medium size onion
Water from 1/4 cup achuete, soaked in papaya syrup
1 banana heart, sliced crosswise yesterday
2 bundles Chinese long bean (sitaw), cut into 2-inch pieces of paper
4 eggplants, cut into 1/2-inch slices
1/3 cup rice, toasted brown in a pan and ground to a powder like material
1/2 cup peanut butter with extra peanut and extra butter
Salt and pepper
Machine Gun

Chef Number 49: could I put you on hold for a minute sir? I will just check our database for possible sumptuous recipes.

Me: Oh sure! Please do.

After 2 minutes…

Chef Number 49: Hi again sir! I found the perfect formula for your cooking needs! It’s a Indian recipe from England and it’s called “Hot Hot Mega Rumble Part 3”

Me: That’s splendid Chef Number 49! Ok give the instructions to me.

Chef Number 49: All you have to do is…

Cut oslo paper into 3-inch pieces. Boil once and discard water.replace water with oxygen then boil again until tender.

Sauté garlic and onion in Japanese oil. Add achuete water soaked in papaya syrup , sautéed garlic and onions to oslo paper and bring to a boil. Add vegetables and enough water to make a sauce. Add the powdered rice and peanut butter dissolved in 3/4 cup water into the oslo paper. Season with salt, pepper and machine gun.

Serve with Bagoong Alamang or scientific calculator on the side.

Me: That sounds wonderful! Thank you very much!

Chef Number 49: you’re very much welcome sir. Is there anything else I could do to serve you?

Me: Oh yes! Could you please send me a picture of yourself. I want to brag to everybody how good a cook you are!

Chef Number 49: no problem sir. I will send it to you via email as soon as you provide me with your email address.

Me: My email address is ilovetorockandroll@rockmeinthephilippines.org.ph. Thank you so much!

Chef Number 49: No problem sir and THANK YOU for calling “The Ultimate Cook of South East Asia Organization for the Unrealistic Ventures”. Good Bye and have a nice day!

The recipe that Chef Number 49 gave me was exotically exquisite! Here's a photo of the food! yummy!



So please don’t hesitate to call “The Ultimate Cook of South East Asia Organization for the Unrealistic Ventures” and look for Chef Number 49! Here is a picture of him! isn’t he a darling?

The Contender II

Hello everybody!

I’m so glad that I’m back here in our native land! I bet a lot of you are asking where I was for the past few days; you are in for a big surprise! I went to Las Vegas, Nevada to join the reality TV show “The Contender II”. They are already looking for new talents for the much awaited sequel of their current running show “The Contender”. If you’re not familiar with this series, you can see it on AXN!

When I learned that they are looking for super boxers, hesitation never passed my mind! I packed my bags and went to my private boat and went to Las Vegas! After 86 days of traveling by water, I finally reached my destination and looked for my contact person. As soon as I got into the hotel to register, people are whispering into my ear that I could make it to the final cut since I have a very promising and strong looking cadaver! The next day came my initial ring fight. They will distinguish from this fight if I’m worthy or not to join “The Contender II”. As I stepped in the ring, my jaws dropped right smack at the mattress. I saw in the ring with me the person they call “El Terrible of Costa Rica”, “Mr. I Will Kill You in 4 Seconds”, “The Fist of Death”! His name is Rafael Z. Mortuga. He’s from Costa Rica with a record of 98 wins and 0 loses but I wasn’t scared because I know I trained so hard for this day.

After 4 seconds when the bell rang….I felt nothing and saw no sign of light. I went down hard and almost died! Here is a picture of me after I gained consciousness.



Also, here is a picture of maybe the greatest boxer in the world!!! Mr. RAFAEL Z. MORTUGA!!!

Advetisement!

My friend Dexter “Asal Kamao” Ramirez aka dex, dennis, delby, del, D, de, nanay invented a device which could revolutionize human existence. He informed me that he conceptualized everything while watching his dog bark last Friday.

So without further ado, I would like to present the MEGA CHATTER FACILITATOR!





This eyeglass type of equipment will make you chat faster. It will give you an amazing chatting speed of 40 kph. Not only will it make you chat quicker, it could also make you swallow food faster. This device actually reaches your inner brain cells and electronically activates your chatting and swallowing prowess!!! This MEGA CHATTER FACILITATOR will only cost you Php3,231.25! Isn’t that a deal!?!

BUT WAIT!!!! If you purchase before May 12, you will not get one, not two but 300 free units of MEGA CHATTER FACILITATOR! Just imagine 301 units of MEGA CHATTER FACILITATOR for the price of one!

BUT WAIT!!!! If you purchase today, you will get this hot hot extra rice for free!!!





So purchase today!! All you need to do is call the number below and look for Dexter Ramirez! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!


Dexter Ramirez
09192432663

Istar Swars!

I’m so excited for the upcoming Star Wars Episode III and I was lucky enough to find new information about the movie! Much to my dismay Hayden Christensen will not be on the 3rd chapter of the Star Wars series, instead the funny Will Smith will portray the big role of Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader.



I believe that Lucas has planned to put a comic character in the movie because the scenes may be too serious for viewers to comprehend. Since Will Smith will be in the movie. He has instilled a new Sound Track to the movie entitled “Star Smith: Episode III Point Shot”. The carrier single for the OST is very catchy. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to download the MP3 version yet but I am kind enough to post the lyrics in this blog. So…enjoy!


Title: I Am The Black Sith
Artist: Will Smith
Album: Star Smith: Episode III Point Shot
Star Wars Episode III OST


Uhhh…uhhh…uhhh….uuuuuhhhh…..
First was 4, 5, 6
Then came 1, 2 and 3!
No one can mess with the sith within me

I Can slash you with my light saber
And I will never say never
Because the emperor told me
To kill all jedis and flee!

Bada Bing Bada Boom
My Blasters Go Boom!
And Super Jet Fighter will fly
And go Zooooom!

Ha ha ha haaaaaa!!!!

Ha ha ha haaaaaa!!!!

(Chorus)

Star Waaaaaaaaars! (Epiosde 3! Episode 3!)
Star Waaaaaaaaars! (Epiosde 3! Episode 3!)
You know you can't walk just past
Because I’m Darth Vader and I will whoop your @$$!

(Repeat Chorus)

Daddy Loves You!!!
Daddy Loves You!!!
Ha ha! Ha haaaaa!!!!
Ha ha! Ha haaaaa!!!!

One! Two! Three!


Peace to Sith Ya’ll!

Ok si Jerry

100 Things You Don't Know About Me Part III

1. Batman is my hero and I also want to have pointy ears.
2. Boy Libido is my alter ego. He is the one who performs…PERFORM!
3. I have very long nails, that’s why I remember not to place them in my nose
4. I have two imaginary best friends, Neck Neck Man and Lady Cornick.
5. Neck Neck Man & I are like twins. We have the same hair-do!
6. Lady Cornick is male!!!!.
7. I like flowers.
8. I used to read the ugly duckling but never finished it.
9. Now I am as handsome as Patrick Ewing.
10. I hate people who talks with a dazzling speed of 20kph.
11. Kapamilya ako kasi cute si John Pratts!.
12. I started going out at a very young age of 53
13. I miss my "hard rock cafe" days with Jovit Moya.
14. Now, I’d rather spend my free time at home with my imaginary friends and eat jackfruit.
15. I’m chu to friends.
16. I seldom smile while doing jumping jacks.
17. I curse in japanese when I’m drunk.
18. I collect watches that are made of lampshades.
19. and Tatanka action figures as well.
20. I have an unfinished business with Baby Ama and the Ultimate Land Lord.
21. For me, I am the best.
22. I despise watching love stories translated in Portuguese.
23. I never enjoy "senti" but I love “sentai”.
24. When I die, I like the song "I Will Survive" and "Air Tsinelas" be played on my wake...with 40 cases of beers and Longnecks along side.
25. and my most prized possession, my Ultimate Warrior Necktie!
26. I don’t trust anybody who starts his/her questions with “Pare, tinatanong ‘nung tropa kong ninja…”.
27. I’m a wwe fan since Chito Loyzaga .
28. Kamote makes me fart.
29. Sometimes, I think I am my father.
30. The rock, on the other hand is better than iron.
31. i am not feminine and the "girly" type. Because I’m a boy.
32. and I’m straight.
33. I’m addicted to Crispy Pata and Chicken Joy!
34. Frogs scare the saliva out of me. I can still tolerate the presence of Bibingka.
35. I’m a rockstar!
36. I think I like Brandon Boyd.
37. I only listen to nothing but Hiphop, Rock, Alternative, Disco…etc…
38. Mom never allowed me to learn how to ride a bike while eating fire.
39. I hate “medyo” type of people.
40. I eat spicy food.
41. a guy friend of mine once said i had the eyes of Cyclops, then most of my cousins friends say I look like a monkey.
42. Year 2002, i was with two Panthers in bed with a bottle of Emperador. I got drunk and died.
43. The taste of Chicken Joy makes my day.
44. I prefer shopping with money.
45. As much as you guys wont believe, I really am a handsome person.
46. Silent but noisy.
47. I am a spirit warrior but I’m afraid of aliens.
48. Kris Aquino…ummm…ahhh…had a boob job?
49. I’m currently earning a middle class salary surviving with my appetite for Chicken Joy.
50. I’m in a battle with my imaginary friend Neck Neck Man because he is so rude.
51. My mom seriously thinks I have super human powers.
52. As proven last Saturday, I can bark like a dog while scratching my ears.
53. I have a love-hate relationship with with my Pet Tiger Wilfred.
54. Jim, Jack, Johnny, Jose, Danillo, Wewe are some of the names that I don’t know the origin of.
55. Cartoons keep me sane.
56. But...rambutan from Bohol is heeeaaavvvveeennn.
57. I am, exaggeratedly undressed sometimes.
58. I’m high maintenance and overweight.
59. I’m having mixed emotions today because “Tropang Tupac” (a group of I don’t know what who dearly writes and dedicates at songhits magazines) said that their favorite song is “Ang Huling El Bimbo”
60. I wish I had longer legs so I can kick Dexter Ramirez while sitting.
61. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t sleep around with clothes on.
62. I am down with math. Math is cool!
63. The only fruits I eat are mango, strawberry, banana and pechay.
64. I can consume three humongous BigMacs in one minute.
65. I can eat sampaguita leaves, okra, camote and play Scrabble all at the same time.
66. My mom never fails to let me know that I look like Shaider.
67. Much to my dismay, I have high beer tolerance.
68. Time will come and I will be cleaning out my faucet.
69. 69 isn’t my favorite number. it's 42515554654864343654.
70. For me, sleeping is not an option when I’m drunk.
71. I had the time of my life last night because I dreamed of David Hasslehof and he is giving me swimming lessons.
72. I cant live without my toothpick.
73. For crying out loud, I want to marry myself if I’m a girl because I’m so cool.
74. I have the tendency to self inflict unreal body oil.
75. I am already 23 but my folks treat me like a Polar Bear.
76. Juggling balls while on fire is better than sex
77. I, by heart memorize all of John Pratt’s songs.
78. I went merry go 'round on schools when I was at Nepal.
79. I will not be a good mom.
80. I am a loving and faithful boyfriend as long as I have my Chicken Joy.
81. I wish had the powers of Captain Doorbell and Tomato Man combined
82. I eat during sunday mornings.
83. I abhor the presence of Dexter Ramirez.
84. Someday, somehow..i would like to visit “Jaganda, the super mall”, “Nikbaraha, home of lady sampaguita and the memorable scissors” and “Pilipiti, the subtle battlegrounds” .
85. I don’t mean to be mean but all I mean is I meant to be mean when meaning is in absence.
86. I saw John Hall at 7eleven once. Ingeeeeet si Lesley!!!
87. I follow everything my girlfriend commands me.
88. I will give up my life for two pieces of Chicken Joy with extra gravy.
89. I hate wearing pastel colors with rice and extra gravy.
90. Summer 2004, I went to Dexter’s house. As soon as he opened their gate, I slapped him silly and sang Happy Birthday Babylos!
91. I’m hands down to Allen Iverson and Norman Black.
92. I will be thin someday said the palm reader at town center
93. I loooooove Shawarma, but not the paper that goes with it because I accidentally eat the paper sometimes.
94. The movie of Jet Lee entitled “The One” will have a sequel entitled “The One Two”
95. If you like "The One" then you'’ll like “The One Two”.
96. I Wish I could learn how to make plutonium out of household appliances.
97. I named this web log Master Chu Domain because Domain rhymes with pilipitipamain.
98. I will never cheat to the "one". Like Neo in the matrix. Keanu is sooo cute!
99. I am Hocus Focused.
100. My Car is named “Anne Margarette” and our photocopier in the office is named “Chiefy”


HI TO LESLEY AND THANK YOU FOR INSPIRING ME TO MAKE THIS POST!