Chef Number 49!

Last Sunday, while I was watching ORIGINAL DVD’s, my stomach caught my attention. I realized that I was hungry and me and my girlfriend had nothing prepared for dinner yet. Then I remembered that my sworn enemy Dex gave me a hotline cooking number. 0917.04 was the number and he informed me that this is the best cooking/knife bending call center in the market!

So I gathered everything that was edible inside our cupboard and quickly dialed the number to report on what I have and what I could make out of it.

Someone: Good evening! Thank you for calling “The Ultimate Cook of South East Asia Organization for the Unrealistic Ventures”. This is Chef Number 49. How may I help you?

Me: Hi chef number 49! I’m Mr. Anthony Chua of the Tokugawa Empire and I wish to have a sumptuous meal this evening. Could you provide me with a recipe based on what I have right now.

Chef Number 49: Oh truly ever sir! Here in “The Ultimate Cook of South East Asia Organization for the Unrealistic Ventures” we have the best recipes even for metal based materials!

Me: oh that’s fantastic!

Chef Number 49: first sir, may I have the ingredients that you have with you?

Me: all I have is
1 (3 to 5 pound) oslo paper
5 tablespoons Japanese oil
5 cloves garlic, crushed into smithereens
1 medium size onion
Water from 1/4 cup achuete, soaked in papaya syrup
1 banana heart, sliced crosswise yesterday
2 bundles Chinese long bean (sitaw), cut into 2-inch pieces of paper
4 eggplants, cut into 1/2-inch slices
1/3 cup rice, toasted brown in a pan and ground to a powder like material
1/2 cup peanut butter with extra peanut and extra butter
Salt and pepper
Machine Gun

Chef Number 49: could I put you on hold for a minute sir? I will just check our database for possible sumptuous recipes.

Me: Oh sure! Please do.

After 2 minutes…

Chef Number 49: Hi again sir! I found the perfect formula for your cooking needs! It’s a Indian recipe from England and it’s called “Hot Hot Mega Rumble Part 3”

Me: That’s splendid Chef Number 49! Ok give the instructions to me.

Chef Number 49: All you have to do is…

Cut oslo paper into 3-inch pieces. Boil once and discard water.replace water with oxygen then boil again until tender.

Sauté garlic and onion in Japanese oil. Add achuete water soaked in papaya syrup , sautéed garlic and onions to oslo paper and bring to a boil. Add vegetables and enough water to make a sauce. Add the powdered rice and peanut butter dissolved in 3/4 cup water into the oslo paper. Season with salt, pepper and machine gun.

Serve with Bagoong Alamang or scientific calculator on the side.

Me: That sounds wonderful! Thank you very much!

Chef Number 49: you’re very much welcome sir. Is there anything else I could do to serve you?

Me: Oh yes! Could you please send me a picture of yourself. I want to brag to everybody how good a cook you are!

Chef Number 49: no problem sir. I will send it to you via email as soon as you provide me with your email address.

Me: My email address is ilovetorockandroll@rockmeinthephilippines.org.ph. Thank you so much!

Chef Number 49: No problem sir and THANK YOU for calling “The Ultimate Cook of South East Asia Organization for the Unrealistic Ventures”. Good Bye and have a nice day!

The recipe that Chef Number 49 gave me was exotically exquisite! Here's a photo of the food! yummy!



So please don’t hesitate to call “The Ultimate Cook of South East Asia Organization for the Unrealistic Ventures” and look for Chef Number 49! Here is a picture of him! isn’t he a darling?